A day at a time...

Well here I am J My first posting on my first blog ever! Wow, I can hardly believe it’s only been 8 days since I left Orlando. It seems like a lifetime ago. Literally. After 4 days of orientation in Budapest, at which I met some very cool people and received a crash course in Hungarian language, culture, and ESL teaching methodologies, I am now getting settled in the village of Tiszaujvaros. I’m about 100 miles northeast of Budapest. I live in a flat provided by the school at which I’m teaching, It’s very cute and very typical of what I’ve seen of flats in Europe on TV – and by that I mean, it’s very choppy and every room (kitchen, living room, etc) has a door. It’s small but very comfortable, and I’m thankful it has a full kitchen so that I can cook my own food (no offense to Hungary but…thus far, their food doesn’t do a thing for me. Starch, starch, meat, and more starch). I will post pictures of my apartment when I get more settled.

I could go on about the details of what I’m doing, and I’d gladly share them, but the truth is, I would be completely disingenuous if I talked about all the perks of this adventure (like the group of first graders who waylaid “Miss Abigail” in the hall with hugs today) without talking about how hard this is. I’ve never lived away from home, and even though I felt certain in my heart that it was time to leave, I am painfully homesick.

Many of you know about my history with depression. It’s been my “friend” off and on since my very early teens. Finally, after trying many a homeopathic remedy which would only work for a time, I decided to go on an antidepressant during my last year of college. My depression/anxiety had developed into a panic disorder, and for the first time in my life, it was seriously threatening my ability to function normally. Not that I’d “enjoyed” functioning while depressed all the previous years, but I had still been able to. Fast-forward to summer 2011, after I finished school, and I started seeing a compounding pharmacist. With the help of 16 million different supplements and a procedure called neurofeedback, which works on the brain’s energy patterns, I was able to cut back considerably on my antidepressant while feeling more like myself than ever. Actually, till I began seeing my “BFF Leslie” (as I affectionately termed my pharmacist) I wasn’t even sure who “I” was. 

So to bring this back around to teaching in Hungary, it was in the process of getting off of the emotion-dulling drug while actually effectively treating my depression/anxiety, that I began to feel excitement of the idea of teaching overseas. It had been an interest for many years, but I had put it on the backburner for obvious reasons. I was concerned though that the upheaval of moving away…so far away…could bring back my depression. I simply didn’t know how my brain chemistry would react to this kind of jolt. But believing from the bottom of my heart that this was the next step God had in mind for me, I took the leap, trying to trust that He’d handle the rest. And now I don’t know to what extent the pain I’m presently experience is a recurrence of depression or just plain homesickness. Probably both.

As I was preparing for this journey, so many people expressed interest in and excitement about what I’m doing and many people have inquired about me (I am told via my family) or emailed me since I left. All of the above I deeply appreciate. I have not had time to respond to everyone’s emails ( look at me, sounding like someone with a fan club…I really am not THAT vain) but I really REALLY appreciate contact with folks back home (and now I sound like a soldier who went off to do something way harder than teach English. I really don’t mean to sound like a martyr).

Well this posting has become quite lengthy and I have lesson plans and unpacking yet to do. It feels later than 7pm because it gets dark here around 4pm. Yeeeaaahhh…not helping my mood. I suppose hot sunny Florida does have its merits J If you’ve read this far, I thank you for sharing in my journey. I do hope that in the future I can post more about teaching and life in Hungary rather than about my despair…but as it’s only been a week and I’ve only had one day of school…well unloading about my struggles seemed more pertinent this evening.